Chances are that you have a voicemail. A landline or a cellphone usually comes standard with the option for a personal greeting. Below are some original and humorous recordings of voice messages for your mobile or immobile phone. There are plenty of other funny ideas, but we’ve seen them or heard them before. For instance, the “Hello” and pause effect- the prank is more amusing for the listener because you don’t get to hear them throughout their confusion until after the beep. A rarer one was a philosophical answering machine that I found rather witty:

If a telephone rings in an empty room and no one is there to answer it, was there really a phone call? Help me investigate this phenomenon by leaving your name and number after the tone.

Other jokes and witty lines can be recorded for your callers that may bewilder a silence after the tone, or you might get to hear laughs that started before the beep, or you might throw someone off into the old routine of “What?…Hello?…Are you–Is this?…Am I leaving a message?” But you want fresh ideas. You can borrow mine to entertain your callers. Let me know their reactions.

Here are a few originals that I have made:

This one sounds like you are a corporation that has several operators who are busy with a large volume of calls. Includes elevator muzak and sound effects.

Welcome. Due to a large volume of calls, all of our operators are busy. Please hold for the next available operator. (Music)
Our operators are still busy. Please stay on the line while your call is being transferred to the Voice recording database. (connection)
For your safety, this message will be recorded.

Infomercial that sells your messages in a rushed and enthusiastic manner. Borrowed the “complicated payment” from Mitch Hedburg.

Are you ready to talk to the answering machine? Now you can with MY voice message. It listens, records, and even has a beep! Unlike other voicemails, every word is heard. This is a huge value, all for just 2 easy payments and one complicated payment. If you leave a message within the next 10 seconds, I will return your call free of charge. This offer is not available in stores, so leave a message now.

Self-evident Jane Barbe (not a real recording, her real voice mashup) makes sure that you know…

You are calling now. Please make a note of it. You may stay on the line.

Captain Obvious Mashup Vol. 2, with greedy ending.

Please dial the number you are calling. You are calling the number you have dialed. I’m sorry, you have 40 cents. Please deposit more money.

This is not a simple phone call.

Please hang up, and check the number, and dial again, and your card number, and check the number again, and ask information operator for assistance for fifteen minutes, and deposit 40 cents.

Unrecorded Messages:

I’m sorry, the number you have dialed is in working order. If you were expecting an error, please hang up and try another number.

This is an audio test. Please listen carefully. Raise your hand when you hear the tone and state which ear it comes from.


I’ve been fond of Jane Barbe’s voice since it is familiar to anyone who has experienced a telephone problem. The mashups came from actual recordings.

Two other parodies of telephone messages have been made from the telephone company by Ghtrout.

You Must Dial (Binary confusion, 1 + 0 + 1)

I’m Sorry, We’re Sorry (They are all very sorry). Reminds me of Brion Gysin (Try track 3, 4, and 5).

And lastly a terribly funny telemarketing prank:

Thanks Tom Mabe!